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this quintessence of dust
http://thisquintessenceofdust.blogspot.com
04 May 2011
teaching a two-year-old new words
"Look Kingsley, a kite. What is it?"
"A cunt."
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In the year 2000, I invented the phrase "beefy showers", the use of which is spreading among television weatherpeople. Since then, nothing has happened.
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2012
(1)
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February
(1)
a message from the wife
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2011
(9)
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October
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a community support officer comments on my beard
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September
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how not to change the fuel sender unit on a Volvo ...
the guilt of ignoring a stranger having previously...
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May
(2)
teaching a two-year-old new words
omnibus sloppage
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April
(4)
Kingsley Can't Swim and Other Observations (part 4...
Kingsley Can't Swim and Other Observations (part 3...
Kingsley Can't Swim and Other Observations (part 2...
Kingsley Can't Swim and Other Observations (part 1...
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2010
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November
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inexplicable and ongoing wind
excessive blinking
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October
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a mature analysis of the spending review
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July
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to be or not to B2B
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April
(6)
a woman in a café comments on my beard
the nursery gets sarcastic
high hopes
Juliet
Southern Railway's Guide to Parenthood
essential eyewitness reports from the BBC
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March
(1)
to be Frank
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February
(1)
heartwarming advert of the day
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January
(1)
what eats a fish?
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2009
(32)
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November
(1)
the sailor who fell from grace with the train
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September
(2)
matching sign and monk
why did the chicken cross the road?
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August
(3)
internet use: a market survey
cookery programmes gone mad (part 5)
cookery programmes gone mad (part 4)
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July
(4)
cookery programmes gone mad (part 3)
cookery programmes gone mad (part 2)
cookery programmes gone mad
beefy showers – an update
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June
(4)
my kingdom for a hearse
pockets
Swindon
I lose my Thermos and comb
►
May
(5)
John
Mrs Wilkins
how to turn an email exchange into a Chinese perso...
last night I stayed at Paul's flat
are we nearly there yet?
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April
(6)
too close for comfort
motherliker
romance not dead
is Ben Stiller the manager of West Ham United?
Geoff Clark's beard
Clapham Junction
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March
(5)
Kensington Olympia
Aldrington
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appendix
the otter master
dj oyster card
label cloud
a bit of a cough
(1)
absurd
(1)
act fast
(1)
ad
(1)
adam hart-davis
(2)
advert
(1)
advice
(1)
aggrieved
(1)
al pacino
(1)
aldrington
(1)
aliens
(1)
amnesty international
(1)
andi peters
(1)
Angelina Jolie
(1)
antiques roadshow
(1)
antiquititties
(1)
aristotle
(1)
arthur smith
(1)
asleep
(1)
atm
(1)
audi a3 sportback
(1)
autoglym
(1)
baby
(2)
badger
(1)
bags
(1)
balham
(3)
balham grill
(4)
banana
(1)
bananaman
(1)
bank
(1)
bankers
(1)
barber
(2)
bard
(1)
basmati rice
(1)
BBC
(1)
BBC London
(1)
BBC south east today
(1)
beard
(6)
Beatone
(1)
bed
(1)
bee gees
(1)
beefy showers
(4)
ben stiller
(1)
benny hedgehogs
(1)
benson and hedges
(2)
berlin wall
(1)
bestival
(2)
bez
(1)
big fish
(1)
bill and ted
(1)
bill gates
(1)
bill murray
(1)
bin liners
(1)
bins
(1)
Biro
(1)
bishop
(1)
bit of a cough
(1)
black
(1)
boats
(2)
bob dylan
(1)
bolton abbey
(1)
bonus
(1)
boring
(1)
Boris Johnson
(1)
bottle
(1)
bottom sausages
(1)
boxer shorts
(1)
braces
(1)
Brad Pitt
(1)
Brangelina
(1)
brighton
(1)
brisbane storm chasers
(1)
bruce willis
(1)
bumfight
(1)
bureau de change
(1)
burglar
(1)
bus stop misspelled
(1)
buzz lightyear
(1)
Cadbury's Buttons
(1)
cafe
(1)
cagoule
(2)
caligula
(1)
campsite
(1)
can you move down please
(1)
cancer
(1)
car
(2)
card pusher
(1)
cardboard box
(1)
caterpillar
(1)
ceci nes't pas une pipe
(1)
celebrities
(1)
celebrititties
(1)
channel 4
(1)
che guevara
(1)
cheap toilet paper
(1)
chewbacca
(1)
Chinese
(2)
chippy
(1)
chop
(1)
chorophobia
(1)
chris moyles
(1)
chris packham
(1)
chris waddle
(1)
christmas
(1)
chugger
(2)
cigarette
(2)
clapham junction
(5)
cliche
(3)
clockwise
(1)
coat rack
(1)
coat stand
(1)
coffee
(4)
colin farrell
(1)
colombia
(1)
comb
(1)
community support officer
(1)
commute
(4)
commuters
(5)
Conservative Party
(1)
consumer
(1)
cookery programmes
(4)
cormorant
(1)
cost-efficient
(1)
crisps
(1)
crowded train
(1)
cunt
(3)
cunts
(2)
customer service
(1)
cuts
(1)
dad
(2)
daily mirror
(1)
Daily Telegraph
(2)
damon hill
(1)
david blunkett
(1)
david cameron
(1)
David Hasselhoff
(1)
david ike
(1)
death
(1)
desk
(1)
dick van dyke
(1)
dog
(2)
door
(1)
dr emmett brown
(1)
dr evil
(1)
dragons den
(1)
dream
(4)
drunk
(1)
duncan bannatyne
(1)
east croydon
(1)
eastbourne
(1)
eastern european
(1)
eating
(1)
ego
(1)
elvis
(1)
email scam
(1)
emperor penguins
(1)
environment
(1)
erickson mccann
(1)
estate agent
(1)
evening standard
(1)
eyewitness
(1)
facebook
(5)
farts
(1)
fat man
(1)
fat women
(1)
father
(1)
father christmas
(1)
feeling fruity
(1)
ferndown upper school
(1)
fidel castro
(1)
fight
(1)
financial crisis
(1)
fine
(1)
fiona bruce
(1)
fish
(1)
fish and chips
(1)
flat
(1)
flatmate
(4)
fleece
(1)
flies
(2)
flying ants
(1)
foodstuff
(1)
foot
(1)
football pitches
(1)
footballer
(1)
foxtons
(1)
france
(1)
fred west
(1)
freddy mercury
(1)
free
(1)
freelance
(1)
French
(1)
fridge
(1)
friends
(1)
friends of the ridgeway
(1)
fuck your wife
(1)
fuel pump
(1)
fumbling
(1)
fuzz
(1)
gambia
(1)
gas bill
(1)
gatwick
(1)
gay
(1)
geoff clark
(1)
geoffrey howe
(1)
gianfranco zola
(1)
gillette mach 3
(1)
girlfriend
(1)
glade touch'n fresh
(1)
glasgow airport
(1)
god
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government
(1)
grandmother
(1)
greek
(2)
guantanamo bay
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Guardian
(2)
guernsey
(1)
ha-ha road
(1)
haddock
(1)
haircut
(1)
hairdryer
(1)
hamlet
(1)
hamlet's night fever
(1)
hammersmith
(5)
han solo
(1)
hand
(1)
HBOS
(1)
Hester
(1)
hitler
(1)
honeysuckle weeks
(1)
hoodie
(1)
hoover
(1)
horses
(1)
hospital
(1)
hot chip
(1)
hotel
(1)
hotmail
(1)
hove
(4)
Hugh Grant
(1)
humphrey
(1)
hunt ball
(1)
hyperoodon ampullatus
(1)
ian curtis
(1)
idiots
(2)
il tasso
(1)
incitatus
(1)
Independent
(2)
insects
(2)
insomnia
(1)
interview
(1)
invoice
(1)
italy
(1)
james
(1)
james dean
(1)
john humphrys
(1)
john voigt
(1)
jokes
(1)
kate bush
(1)
kate moss
(1)
kebab
(3)
ken livingstone
(2)
kensington olympia
(2)
kicking
(1)
kingsley
(9)
knife
(1)
koi carp
(1)
konnie huq
(1)
larry david
(1)
late payment
(1)
latin
(1)
le pen
(1)
leonardo
(1)
liability
(1)
life insurance
(1)
little fish
(1)
lloyds
(1)
London
(1)
london 2012
(1)
london metro
(1)
loo
(1)
lying
(1)
lynne truss
(1)
madness
(6)
malicious allegations
(1)
marketers
(1)
marks and spencer
(4)
mary poppins
(1)
massive
(1)
mercutio
(1)
merger
(1)
metaphor
(1)
mexicans
(1)
michael barrymore
(1)
michael jackson
(1)
michael o'leary
(1)
michelle ryan
(1)
microsoft
(1)
midgets
(1)
milk
(1)
millenium bridge
(1)
moisturiser
(1)
money
(2)
monk
(1)
mother
(1)
moustache
(1)
mrs ponsford
(1)
mrs wilkins
(1)
mugwump
(1)
mumsnet
(2)
my bloody valentine
(1)
nasal hair trimmers
(1)
natwest
(1)
neighbours
(1)
neville neville
(1)
NHS
(2)
nightmare
(1)
nipples
(1)
no pants boy
(1)
noise
(1)
northern bottlenose whale
(1)
northern line
(1)
nurse
(1)
nursery
(2)
nut case
(1)
office
(3)
old chap
(1)
old man
(3)
one-armed bandit
(1)
online dating
(1)
opening ceremony
(1)
orange
(1)
orville
(1)
owl jokes
(1)
owls
(1)
oxygen masks
(1)
oyster card
(2)
painters
(1)
panda
(1)
paranoid
(2)
parents
(1)
party
(1)
party rings
(1)
pat pong
(1)
paul titchener
(2)
paula radcliffe
(2)
peasant
(1)
pedestrian crossing
(1)
pen
(1)
people
(1)
perfume
(1)
pete
(1)
pete doherty
(1)
peter cockroft
(1)
photofit
(1)
PIN number
(2)
pink panther
(1)
pipe
(2)
pissflaps
(1)
plopshop
(1)
pocket
(1)
pointless
(1)
polish
(2)
political animals
(1)
political cartoons
(3)
poo
(5)
poop-a-scooper
(1)
porn
(1)
porn spam
(1)
portslade
(1)
post office
(1)
postman pat
(1)
pregnant
(1)
press association weather centre
(1)
prince of whales
(1)
priority seat
(1)
prisoners
(1)
prweek
(1)
pub
(1)
public spending
(1)
questions
(1)
quiet
(1)
Radio 4
(2)
range rover
(1)
really wild show
(1)
recepticle
(1)
reindeer
(1)
revitalise grout
(1)
rod hull
(1)
rolf harris
(1)
romance
(1)
romeo and juliet
(1)
ross kemp
(1)
rubbish
(1)
ryanair
(1)
sadam hussein
(1)
safeway
(1)
sailor
(1)
sainsbury's
(4)
salespeople
(2)
samsung
(1)
san remo
(1)
scrabulous
(2)
secret
(1)
sender
(1)
sex change
(1)
shampoo
(1)
sheila
(1)
shit
(1)
shoes
(1)
shopping basket
(1)
shower
(3)
sick
(1)
sign
(3)
simpsons
(1)
singing
(1)
sinking ship
(1)
sir alan sugar
(1)
sir patrick moore
(3)
skateboard
(1)
sky news
(1)
slam
(1)
sleep
(1)
smile
(1)
smoking
(1)
snowman
(1)
socks
(2)
sofa
(1)
soiled
(1)
solutions
(1)
soup
(1)
southern railway
(1)
spam email
(1)
spanish
(1)
split
(1)
stapler
(1)
staples
(1)
starbucks
(1)
stay at home dad
(1)
stephen hawking
(1)
stroke
(1)
sunglasses
(1)
supermarket
(1)
surfactants
(1)
surgeon
(1)
surprises
(1)
sutton
(1)
sutton cid
(1)
swans necks
(1)
swindon
(1)
tax
(1)
taxidea taxus
(1)
taxidermi
(1)
taxis
(1)
tay zonday
(1)
tea
(1)
tealess
(1)
tee-total
(1)
temporary
(1)
teneriffe
(1)
terrorists
(1)
terry nutkins
(1)
tesco
(1)
TFL
(1)
thames
(1)
the a team
(1)
the apprentice
(1)
the independent
(2)
the observer
(1)
the old man
(1)
the spectator
(1)
the sun
(3)
the times
(2)
thelondonpaper
(1)
Thermos
(1)
thin
(1)
tight
(1)
till closed
(1)
tina turner
(1)
ting tings
(1)
tk maxx
(4)
toilet
(4)
tom selleck
(1)
Tomb Raider
(1)
tony benn
(1)
tony robinson
(1)
tori amos
(1)
toyota yaris
(1)
trade magazines
(1)
train
(7)
train delay
(1)
train station
(3)
tramp
(2)
transport for london
(1)
tring
(1)
triple bag
(1)
trousers
(2)
turnpike sailors
(1)
twats
(1)
two first names
(1)
up the creek
(2)
upside-down question mark
(1)
urban skating
(1)
valentine warner
(5)
vince cable
(1)
volvo v40
(2)
waitrose
(3)
wally
(1)
wandsworth
(3)
wanking
(1)
wasps
(2)
watersports
(1)
websites
(1)
wembley stadium
(1)
west country
(1)
west ham
(1)
whaley
(1)
what to eat now
(5)
white
(1)
white house pets
(1)
willy
(1)
windyplops
(1)
windypops
(1)
winnie-the-pooh
(1)
wisdom tooth
(1)
WKD
(1)
woman
(1)
won't flush
(2)
wooden floor
(1)
words
(1)
world beard and moustache championships
(1)
wotsits
(1)
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"Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy."
Octave Mirbeau, The Torture Garden